Who would have thought?

I find myself in a strange emotional state right now. I am about to leave my husband and children for the first time and up until now have been in denial as to how that will truly affect me. In the last couple of days I have found myself observing them in their every day activities and interactions, more closely, and realizing just how much I am going to miss every little detail. I have been avoiding even thinking about it, for fear of the flood of emotion, but it is becoming unavoidable.

It takes a good reason for me to leave, and in this instance it is my brother's wedding. This will be an important day for him and I truly debated whether or not to go...there is financial outlay, as well as the emotional upheaval, but I feel like I need to be there. He is my family, my flesh and blood and of course with mum no longer here, I feel, even more, that I have to be there.

I doubt that I will know what to do with myself, maybe I will just sit and rock in a corner as the tears roll down my cheeks? Well that would be awfully silly! I plan on catching up on some sleep, maybe some reading, some old friends, and we will see what else. No doubt I will write about it here and maybe even include some photos.

Of course, I have to make it there first, which is another stress in and of itself. I will be flying stand-by and with that comes no guarantees. The first flight I am listed on is on Monday morning at 7:30am, which means I have to leave my house at 3:00am to get the airporter to be there on time, I will most definitely need some extra sleep at the other end to recover from that one!