Twelve Years

This is James Edward Cannan, my wonderful husband, my one true love.

He barely gets a mention here and yet he is the most important person in my life. He is my best friend, a sensitive, passionate, emotional man who I love with all my heart. I do not know what I would do without him, he is half of me.

It has been well over a week since we celebrated twelve years of marriage. It has most certainly been a journey. I have no doubts that we were brought together by God, that He made us for each other. There are times when I wonder how and why in our extreme differences we work together, but the truth is, that with such extremes, without an equal and opposite force to pull us back towards the center the imbalance would bring us crashing to the ground.

He can make me laugh (and at the periodic propositions of moving to Thailand has many times made me cry). He is fun and crazy, he is a place of safety and comfort. He is the most wonderful father who adores his children and is not afraid to hug and kiss his them and show them his love.

He challenges me to be a better, more generous person.

He makes sacrifice for his family.

He loves God with all of his heart.

I look forward to many more years, to growing old together, to seeing our own children fall in love and get married. I only wish for our daughters that they find men as fine as their father and they will be blessed.

I love you James.

Here are a few images from January 18th, 1997; the day it all began. (This was pre-digital so the images were scanned in).

Life's Dilemmas

It has been a busy season and I feel like life is finally returning to normal, as normal as it can be. At last I am getting back into the swing of play dates, James and I celebrated our twelfth wedding anniversary (which deserves a separate post), and I'm looking at schools for Arran, which is weighing on me as a huge responsibility.

Arran is bright and sweet and sensitive, a little over-sensitive at times, and I want the very best for him, as all parents should for their children. He loves to learn and I want him to have a great experience of school. When he was about to turn four, he was so excited about the prospect of being able to start preschool, but finances have not allowed for that, and now with school on the visible horizon he has started to ask to stay home and for me to be his teacher. It is a dilemma.

That he would even ask or want to do that blesses me and yet I sense that he asks not only from his desire to be with me because he loves me, but also from a place of fear; fear of the unknown, at least that is my speculation. I realise that one of my responsibilities as a parent it to prepare him to enter the world outside of the safe haven of home and family. The question is, should I be like a mother bird and push him out of the nest? Is he ready to find his wings and fly? Or does he, in fact, need a little longer? Would he be better served staying home to learn for a while? Do all parents go through this? I don't feel that this will be an issue for Bryttain, for example...she has always been independent and ready for any adventure.

Would it be fair on my two girls if I had to devote so much time to teaching their brother, when he has had the advantage already of a full-time parent? Would I be spreading myself too thin? Would I be up to the task?

I have a few more schools to schedule tours with and I hope that at least one will really feel like it will be the perfect match and will have room for our little boy. I really hope that we do not have to make the hard decision of whether or not to homeschool. At this point it is not something that I am realistically considering but I suppose that I do need to remain open to the possibility.

Apologies

I am SO behind, but promise to get back into the swing of things in the next few days.

Watch this space :)

Pretty handy dandy

It's a good thing that we have a handle on each side of our head! :)

Wife or.....

Arran has two little girls in his life that he totally adores. He has grown up with them and they are very different, so from day to day, or week to week, he changes his mind as to which of them he is going to marry.

Yesterday he was just on a roll, talking non-stop about all sorts of things. His hair is getting rather long again, creeping down below his eyebrows (even though I only cut it a few weeks back) and I jokingly asked him if he would just like to grow his hair long. Without missing a beat he responded

"No, because when I marry Moriah, she might not like it!"

I told him that when somebody really loves you, it's not based on how you look. Then I asked him why he thought he was going to marry Moriah and not Gracie. To which, his answer was

"Well, Moriah is my best friend and Grace is my next best friend, so I'm going to marry Moriah..."

He paused...

"But Gracie can be my Grandma!"

So long, farewell...

All good things must come to an end...today we had to take Auntie Caridad to the airport and say goodbye! It was so nice to see her again, but it felt like our time was short and too busy. What with shopping and baking and cooking (and the fact that we did not get even a full week with her) it was gone before we had even started. I didn't even get to shop the sales with her :(

The children loved having some extra attention and I was SO grateful for all of the help she provided. I just wish we all lived closer and we could get together more often.

I realized this morning, that in all of the hustle and bustle I did not have a single shot of her with the kids, or with me. So minutes before we were meant to leave, I insisted on trying to take a couple. Well Asia did not want to cooperate (of course) and so there are still none of just her with the kids but it did mean I was able to get in on the action.

Arran and Bryttain are fascinated by the fact that she has a boyfriend in America, even though she lives in England. Hopefully at some point here we will get to meet him. Should make for more frequent visits, is the upside. Not that we are thinking selfishly from our point-of-view at all, of course. I'm pushing for a visit in the Summer - we can do the beach, and wine tasting and spend time outdoors.

Surely one would want to spend time with ones boyfriend at least every six months, right?!

Christmas Morning!

Christmas Eve

It's Christmas Eve and it's been a hectic week. Aunty Caridad (my lovely sister) arrived on Monday. The kids have been so excited and we've been doing the official countdown for a couple of weeks now. Of course she arrived in the midst of the most dreary, miserable weather possible. I don't think it has stopped raining since she got here.
Today was spent baking. Most of the presents are wrapped and under the tree and the children are finally in bed. I can sit down with a glass of wine and relax at last. The instructions are that the kids are not to open ANY presents without us, we want to do it as a family! We have to issue this instruction after Bryttain's last birthday, where she took it upon herself to get up (at two years old) and unwrap everything.We didn't get to see her reaction to gifts, or photograph or film it in anyway and I was so sad.
Tomorrow will be fun, but now to my glass of wine and spending time with my husband :)

O' Christmas Tree, O' Christmas Tree...

Well it has only taken us about one week.

We finally bought our tree last Friday evening, but too late to do anything with it. Saturday the morning was hectic, just trying to get the room cleared and re-arranged a little so we could actually put the tree up. Well I then had a baby shower to attend at lunch time and got home to children begging to begin. James rounded up the tree stand, only to discover that with this tree being nine foot tall (the biggest one we have had so far) it would not fit in our little stand and we also were not sure what state last years lights were in, or if we would have enough, so off we had to head to the store.

Then it was dinner time, so we finally got the tree up and lights on it, Saturday night and left it at that. Sunday was crazy, we went from church in the morning, to James and the two older kids going to Thai Church where the kids also had their youth party. Then that evening was our church's Christmas party.

Each of the following evenings we let the children put a few decorations on the tree. It was adorable, all of the decorations were concentrated in the bottom quarter of the tree at their heights. We have gradually tried to redistribute them and I think, finally, Thursday evening, it is now finished, or at least as good as we are going to get it this year.

I took a few photos which aren't perfect. Due to the low light conditions, and not wanting to use the flash I had to use slower shutter speeds, so especially those with the kids may seem a little more blurred, but we think it looks lovely.

Asia thinks that the idea is to pull decorations off and bring them to us, so we are working on that! Bryttain is convinced it is her job to turn the lights on and off.

Of course, we still need to get the Nativities set up, wrap presents, clean, tidy...but at least headway has been made and it is starting to feel a lot more like Christmas.

Gingerbread Houses

This past weekend our pastor's wife hosted a children's Gingerbread House Party. Each child got their own gingerbread house to decorate and on top of that, we were all provided with lunch :)


It is so fun to watch our children develop in their different ways and get to enjoy these kinds of activities with them.

The parents helped with piping on the frosting and then the kids were able to decorate to their hearts' content. It was interesting to watch the different way they approached the task. Arran decorated his by himself and he was very particular about what went where, whilst Bryttain (who did need a bit more help) every time James asked her what she wanted to put on next, would pick up one of the pieces of candy, hold it up and ask


"Can I eat this one?"


Needless to say, James had to have quite a hand in decorating Bryttain's house. She probably ate three or four pieces for every piece that made it onto the house! Arran on the other hand did not even nibble on one piece. Our little boy, who still refuses any kind of fruit, will also not let anything pass his lips that even vaguely could look, smell, or taste like fruit. He will eat chocolate, but no candy for him.

It was a fun, if not hectic morning. The children were all so proud of their creations and these are the sorts of traditions that we can continue for years to come, creating happy memories.

Arran's house

Bryttain's (with a little bit of help from James) house

Time is precious

This may seem a little jumbled, but the truth is that my brain is a jumbled mess, constantly.

This would have been my mum's birthday, but she is no longer here on this earth with us.

I still mourn at times...not on a daily basis, but when I do, it is just as deep and hurts just as much as if losing her was yesterday. I miss her terribly! I know she is in a better place, but that does not stop me from missing her and wishing that she were still here. I am sad that my little girls never got to meet their grandma, that Arran doesn't even remember her, that they don't have her to love them and spoil them. She doesn't get to share in my joy of seeing them grow and change, she is not here to give me much needed advice, or be my listening ear.

As my life progresses and my role expands, I continue to be amazed at how much she achieved and accomplished, at times in the face of such adversity. I feel like for so long, we really were not that close and then, when I had my son, something changed. I finally had a new respect and understanding and appreciation for her and all she had done and been through. So many things that I'd felt critical over, suddenly made so much sense to me. There are many things I wish I could ask her, or thank her for, that now of course, I can't.

There were times, in my self-righteous, ignorant days, that I was so disapproving of the way she was, or the way she did things, but the reality is, I had no clue.
Her priority was her family, her children, and she sacrificed so much for each of us. As a teenager, I remember being embarrassed, at times, of her lack of style, but the truth was, she bought us nice clothes, new clothes, and shopped at charity shops for her own.

I was a daddy's girl growing up and do not ever remember feeling a strong bond with my mother, yet I see my relationship with my own children and am overwhelmed by the love and affection I have for them and I know that she must have felt that way about me. That in itself has brought me healing. For a time, when I was insistent that I did not want children, there just was no desire or appeal, she would tell me

"Oh, but you'll feel differently when they are your own"

and she was right, because of course she was speaking from experience. She knew already, what I know and feel now. I don't think she was very good at expressing it or showing it but I know how she felt. I know how much she loved me and how much each of us meant to her.

I am so grateful that I married a man who is affectionate, openly loving and who has taught me to say "I love you!". We constantly tell our children that we love them and our children tell us and each other. The hugs and kisses flow freely and it is as natural as breathing, or eating and sleeping.

We never know when our time will end. Sometimes we lose people without warning, before we've had the chance to say a goodbye and all the thank yous and I love yous. I feel that is what happened with my mum and I regret that. She was a wonderful woman whose time was cut short. I believe that she could have been here with us longer, but due to the damage done to her body, in essence because of the negligence of others, God chose to spare her from a life that would have been filled with misery and pain, and instead took her to be with Him. She is free in every sense of the word, no more doubts, pain, uncertainty, expectations to fulfill, the worries and strains of this world left far behind her.

One day we will meet again - I have that assurance and faith that the best is yet to come!

A double birthday

One year ago today...we started out the morning with the kids giving James his birthday presents and cards, in bed. Then a little cramping, which quickly became clear was actually the start of contractions. It was pretty mild at that point but I knew what was to come; this was the onset of labour. We spent James' birthday in hospital and our precious little Asia was born in the early hours of that evening - Saturday December 1st, 2007.

Today, Asia turned one year old and her daddy forty!

She has been such a sweet blessing to us and it is hard to remember our life before she was born. This part year has been the fastest of my life and it is hard to believe that Asia has been with us for a full year. There are things about that day that I remember so clearly and yet, I live so much in the present, that it's also hard to remember Asia as anything other than she is now. So I spent some time this evening looking at old photos...I love to do that. This is why I take photos, to provide the detail and the memories that I can look back on in the years to come...to make me smile, or cry, to share with others. I don't know what I would do without them.

Literally seconds after being born. She really was that blue...see my and the nurses hands in comparison.

A few minutes later, a little cleaner, warmer, pinker.

One year later!

This Little Light of Mine

Each week at our church, we have 'special music' while the offering plate is doing the rounds. Yesterday our little preschoolers (or at least some of them, Arran decided last minute that he didn't want to do it) sang our song for us.

They did such a great job and I could not have been prouder of Bryttain....she loves to sing and dance, but can get a little shy at times and really doesn't like to perform on demand, but she was so cute up there singing , sometimes a second behind the others. Here's the video (she's the one on the far right, in the pink dress and pink cowboy boots!).

"My friend Min..."

That's how it started, and is how it always starts. The very first time Arran mentioned his friend Min, I immediately assumed it was one of his little friends from Thai Church. It was an Asian sounding name and one that I didn't recognize. However it quickly dawned on me that Min is, in fact, Arran's imaginary friend!

This isn't the type of friend that he pretends to talk to, or blame things on, or play with, but rather, a friend about whom he has countless stories and facts to relay to us. Some of them are quite elaborate and fantastical and I only wish I had written down more of the details, as already, it is hard to recall all the 'facts'. But here are a few things we have learned about Min:

• He lives on Jupiter.
• He is invisible, because he is a spirit. He is bigger than everything, but not as big as God!
  
• He's Chinese - because he eats Chinese food.


• He's coming to earth in a rocket for Thanksgiving, then he will drive a car.


• He is 4 years old one day, but 40 the next.


• He has a pet mosquito. The mosquito didn't have a mummy or daddy and Min's mummy found it one day when she was driving. She stopped the car and quickly popped it into a cage.


• Min helps Arran get into the TV so that he can get Sid the Science Kid's pyjamas. He has a bridge made of TVs, all the way to Jupiter.


• He has a pet fish. His pet fish doesn't swim under water though, he has legs and walks on land. He can't breath through his nose and can't breathe under water, so he's in heaven and God keeps him alive.


• He doesn't know God - although Arran is teaching him.


• He's decided he doesn't like Jupiter anymore, so now that he's a grown up he lives in Africa.

I wonder how long Min will be around.

No stopping her now!

She may have taken her first steps a while back, but Thursday she turned a corner. She decided that maybe walking was the way to go after all!

Instead of her usual reticent steps between James and I, she suddenly decided that it would be fun to walk, just for the sake of walking. She's so cute, with both hands held high for balance.

By Friday night she had also mastered getting back up to standing on her own, as opposed to crawling to the nearest set of legs/coffee table/couch etc. to aid her in getting back to her feet.

She is incredibly proud of herself and of course we're proud of her too (if a little sad at how quickly this has come around). And she still has another week before she's one year old!

California Academy of Sciences

Yesterday we finally made it to the Academy of Sciences in San Francisco. It opened in September and after a dismal attempt to visit for for free on opening day (the lines were horrendous and they were turning people away), we went yesterday. The third Wednesday of each month is free for everyone, which saved us $50, which these days is not to be sniffed at! When we pulled up the line looked pretty awful, but James dropped me off with the girls, while he went to park the van, with Arran and by the time he was back in line with us, we were at the steps about to go in.

It's a pretty cool place with some great exhibits. We could wheel Asia's stroller right up to most of the displays, which she enjoyed. The aquarium on the lower level was fun, with walls of glass allowing for close-up inspection of all the fish. The penguin exhibit was great, with the penguins swimming right up to the glass and looking us in the eye...Bryttain would flinch a little as they swam just inches from her face, then grin each time as she realized they actually couldn't hurt her.

There was a play area for 0-5 year olds, which provided a great little break and breathing space from the crowds. It also allowed for Asia to practice her walking and fall, again, smashing into the corner of a toy ship, adding more bruises to her already overly bruised face, just minutes before falling and getting a nosebleed. This walking lark is not as easy as it's cracked up to be!

Unfortunately, with it being a free day it was a little crowded and the line for the rain forest dome was probably around an hour long, which wasn't going to work with three little ones, as well as the fact that all the passes for the Planetarium had been distributed earlier in the day. I guess that's what you get for being cheap! As it was, the children were all exhausted by the time we left and really could not have lasted any longer. Bryttain, carried by Daddy was asleep before he even made it back to the van, bless her and everyone else was falling apart.

Definitely worth a visit and great for all ages.

A great weekend :)

We had such a wonderful weekend. On Saturday we had a family day and took the kids to Nut Tree; a mini theme park aimed at younger children. It wasn't huge, but it was PERFECT for us with our kids at the ages they are. There was only one ride that Bryttain was too short to go on, which is pretty amazing as she's not three yet, and that was the roller coaster. Arran and I stood in line to go on it, whilst James waited with the two girls. He was so excited....until we got on and were sat in the seats with the barriers across our laps.

"I'm just not sure about this.....I'm just not sure about this!" I asked him if he wanted to change his mind and get off and once again he repeated, without a yes or no "I'm just not sure about this!" at which point I quickly signalled the woman operating the ride and asked her to let us off.

We went on everything else; the train ride (a couple of times), bumper cars, hot air balloon ride, aeroplane ride, rocking horses, carousel, rescue squad, some the kiddies went on a couple of times. Asia was so cute, she desperately wanted to go on everything and would watch her older brother and sister, pointing and clapping (her sign for more) grunting and pleading with us.

We were there for about 4-4 1/2 hours and had to drag them away. It was a great day.

On Sunday, after church and naps, our wonderful friends took all three kids(!) so that James and I could have a date. It was so nice just to wander around together, just the two of us and then get some Thai food. Thai Issan, one of the Thai restaurants in town has new owners since we were there last (a long time ago). They now have a traditional seating area where we sat on the floor to eat, as well as (with it being an earlier date) happy hour, with $3 cocktails and $1 summer rolls or chicken satay!!! Can't beat that, especially as we were also able to combine it with our Savings Card and do buy one get one free for our meals :)

Me, my munchkins and the chickens!

I'm so sad I chopped off their little feet....note to self, take better care framing your shots next time. Oh well!

The weather here the last couple of days has been wonderful. It's hard to believe we're in the middle of November...it's been hot! This morning it was already warm by ten, a beautiful, bright, glorious day. I had no plans for the morning, so I decided, as it had been far too long, I'd take the kids outside and snap some photos. Of course with it being so early in the day, the light really was way too harsh, so we ended up in a shady spot (as I'd banned sunglasses as well). They are just too cute these kiddies of mine. I love them SO much!!!!

My boy has the most amazing eyelashes - they're so thick and long that it looks like he's wearing eyeliner!

Once I got in the shot, Arran and Bryttain both wanted to take turns with the remote. While Asia was quite happy to munch on twigs.

Our lovely neighbour, Joanne, who has the most amazing garden, came out to tell me that she has chickens and a rooster now, and to take the kids by to see them, so we spent some time hanging out by the coop.

It was very simple and the kids totally had fun, so did I.