Life's Dilemmas

It has been a busy season and I feel like life is finally returning to normal, as normal as it can be. At last I am getting back into the swing of play dates, James and I celebrated our twelfth wedding anniversary (which deserves a separate post), and I'm looking at schools for Arran, which is weighing on me as a huge responsibility.

Arran is bright and sweet and sensitive, a little over-sensitive at times, and I want the very best for him, as all parents should for their children. He loves to learn and I want him to have a great experience of school. When he was about to turn four, he was so excited about the prospect of being able to start preschool, but finances have not allowed for that, and now with school on the visible horizon he has started to ask to stay home and for me to be his teacher. It is a dilemma.

That he would even ask or want to do that blesses me and yet I sense that he asks not only from his desire to be with me because he loves me, but also from a place of fear; fear of the unknown, at least that is my speculation. I realise that one of my responsibilities as a parent it to prepare him to enter the world outside of the safe haven of home and family. The question is, should I be like a mother bird and push him out of the nest? Is he ready to find his wings and fly? Or does he, in fact, need a little longer? Would he be better served staying home to learn for a while? Do all parents go through this? I don't feel that this will be an issue for Bryttain, for example...she has always been independent and ready for any adventure.

Would it be fair on my two girls if I had to devote so much time to teaching their brother, when he has had the advantage already of a full-time parent? Would I be spreading myself too thin? Would I be up to the task?

I have a few more schools to schedule tours with and I hope that at least one will really feel like it will be the perfect match and will have room for our little boy. I really hope that we do not have to make the hard decision of whether or not to homeschool. At this point it is not something that I am realistically considering but I suppose that I do need to remain open to the possibility.