A little sadness

It is amazing how a single thought can change so much. This day was meant to be about Bryttain. It was her birthday, this spunky, beautiful, fun little girl turning five! We are also preparing for our trip home to England in just over a week(!) and suddenly, out of the blue, it hit me again that I would not get to see Mum.

It is easy in my day to day life to pretend that she is still around, after all, it is not like I got to see her much after my move to the States. Of course I do not actually pretend, I am fully aware that I will not see her or speak to her, but somewhere in my subconscious she is still a part of 'home'. My sister had mentioned something about her gravestone and that was what started it all.

Did I want to go to her grave site?

Would I want to take the kids?

Was there really any point?

I just felt so incredibly sad, all over again, that my daughters have never and will never meet her. That Arran has no recollection of her, that she has not met these wonderful little girls, or been able to see the boy that Arran is growing to be. All the conversations we were never able to have, all the thanks I never gave.

I think that sometimes we need to cry and yet I do not want to upset my children or have them scared or worried about me, they are still so little. So often we stuff things down, we ignore the pain for a little longer, but it really does not make it go away. The feelings and the sadness are not there as often, time really is a great healer, but when they do resurface they are as fresh and raw as ever and in that regard, where is the healing?

And so I will post pictures from Bryttain's birthday tomorrow, as life goes on and deserves to be celebrated and she of all the people I know, is full of life and joy.

The last joint birthday party?

We had Arran and Bryttain's birthday party on Monday. It was a school holiday so we were able to book an afternoon session at Pump It up, which had been requested! The thing with these winter birthdays is that a party at a park is pretty much ruled out and with all the friends and siblings and parents, it feels too crazy to try to do it at our house anymore. We had the talk this year, that we probably will not do a party every year from now, some years we will, but some years we may pick a few friends and do a special outing, or go to see a movie...but this year it was a party.

The kids got to bounce and slide for an hour and a half before heading into the party room for cake and drinks, suitably tired out. Parents got to chat or take photos and I did not have a destroyed house to tidy up at the end of it all!

The giant inflatable slide seems to be the favorite these days.

 Our girl mid-flight and tumbling at the bottom. Fearless!

All smiles. What fun!

It was not her birthday, but she is still a star.

Sitting in the birthday throne, singing 'Happy Birthday' to themselves, along with everybody else.

Self-explanatory!

Thanking their friends for coming to their party, before handing out the goody bags.

Hot chocolate, tea, coffee and ice cream!

Saturday went by in a bit of a blur. James was busy brewing a new batch of beer, all morning and in the afternoon when the kids went down for naps, I had an engagement photoshoot. It was a long day indoors for the kids, not that they seem to mind too much, they play SO great together, but, especially at weekends, I feel bad if we do not get out and do something fun as a family. As I was driving home I checked in with James and he told me they were going to run out and get hot chocolate. It was already dinner time and I knew that would wreck their appetites, so I suggested that it be a dessert option instead. That also gave me the option of going too!

One of my favorite places to go in downtown Petaluma is Lala's Creamery. I totally, wholeheartedly recommend it. It is the cutest little old-fashioned ice cream parlor, complete with checkered floor and ice cream made by hand in small batches from local ingredients. They do kid-sized and priced options too, which is always a bonus. We settled into one of the booth tables and hung out together as we waited for our orders. Bryttain was delighted with her bubblegum ice cream and Arran and Asia's hot chocolates were delicious (why yes, I did try them)!

It was the perfect way to end our Saturday, being together for a special treat.

Valentine's Day

I had fun setting up for Valentine's Day this year. Once the kids were in bed on Sunday night I set to work, cutting out hearts in different sizes and colors to scatter on the tablecloth and other larger ones I suspended on clear line over the table. Each child got a handmade card I had made the previous week and they each finally got a pillow pal, which have been asked for since before Christmas. Of course there was some candy too.

Their bedroom and our bedroom are both directly off of the kitchen/dining area, although on different sides and it was so cute to hear their delighted squeals when they woke up to find what was waiting for them. Life is so simple and fun when you are a kid.

Happy Valentine's Day!

A date

It is not often that I get time individually with any of my children and time with Arran had been long overdue. The other day he had asked when we could have a date again and I knew it needed to happen, so last Sunday after church, he and I went out for lunch on our own. I let him choose where we should go and he chose IHOP, so we could have breakfast for lunch. We were put in a two person booth and he was so sweet, insisting on sitting next to me, instead of opposite, although I did make him move right before our food came, as it was rather a tight squeeze.

It was so fun just to hear him talk, and talk, and talk. It felt great to really be able to listen. So often there are little sisters interrupting, or maybe he thinks I am too busy, but this was his time and he made the most of it. He told me all about his plans for his restaurant. He has talked about owning a restaurant quite a lot, but this was way more detailed. He told me would not have to go to work until 2pm each day, when I questioned the need to serve lunches, he informed me the name of his restaurant will be Best Dinners...they will only serve dinners, not lunches. They will also serve food for vegetarians and vegans and all of the healthy food will be $1 but all the junk food will cost $10,000 (I guess he really wants people to eat more healthily). On Mondays all the food will be free, and if you go on your birthday and tell them, then your meal will cost 1 penny - unless you go on a Monday, when of course it will be free. Profit is obviously not a priority yet!

He helped me choose candy for them all for Valentine's Day and pleaded with me to buy him a soft toy. I told him I was not going to do that and he was pretty sad, little did he know purchases had already been made. It was hard to see his disappointment but as much as I wanted to tell him the reason, I knew his excitement would be worth it in the morning.

Love my little boy.

Breaking News

For the past several months Arran has been praying regularly for a way for us to go back to England for a visit. Traveling internationally as a family of five is not exactly in our budget and we had told him it would take a miracle and he would need to pray to see it happen. He started off so enthusiastically, but as the months have gone by some nights I would do the praying for him but he was becoming disillusioned. Last week when I had asked him if he wanted to pray that, before he went to sleep, he had told me that he did not feel like God was answering his prayer. I had tried to explain to him that he should not give up, that sometimes God's timing is different to ours but that He was listening. I understood how hard it was for him, a child's perspective on time is so different. Well today I found a deal that was remarkable. Not only was it the lowest price I had found in years, but we also had travel miles that could be used to help a little. I phoned James to see what he thought, I shot e-mails to family regarding dates. Of course I second-guessed whether we should do it, spend the money, but we felt like we could not afford NOT to do it.

I booked mine and Asia's tickets on the airline's site then went through our rewards site to book the other three....only to hit a glitch, a big one. I started to panic. I tried again and the system told me again, that the itinerary was not available. I was a little freaked out, I had two of us booked (with non-refundable tickets) and three of us now, supposedly unable to book. I got on the phone with a live person, who was no help whatsoever. She went through the same procedure twice, to tell me the same thing. I was a little stressed and frustrated at the lack of help. The process of booking the tickets had gone from a theoretical ten minute job, to an hour and a half. The kids were expecting to visit friends and friends were expecting us. We prayed, I called James and he said he would call to see if he could get any further. I took the kids to play with their friends.

I waited and waited, most anxiously for a call. It was nerve-wracking! I was distracted and antsy and impatient. Finally I called HIM and found out our tickets were booked. I still can't believe it. It has been five years since our last visit back to the UK as a family, Arran was only two years old, Bryttain was a baby and of course Asia had not even been thought of. The kids are SO excited and now we just have to figure out the details of when and where we will stay and how we will get around...oh and renew Arran's passport.

School Valentine's Celebration

Arran greeted me with a card and a present.

Monday is Valentine's Day, but as there won't be school Arran's class celebrated and had their little party today. The girls and I got to go and help him check out his loot and he gave me my beautiful valentine's gift he had made.

He made a necklace and a keychain and said I could choose which one I wanted. I graciously took the keychain as I doubt James would wear the necklace too often. These hearts are a Cherry Valley tradition and parents wearing them on Valentine's Day can recognize other parents.

The girls are always so excited to go and spend time at his school and Bryttain is very aware that in a few short months she will be in that classroom with some of the same children. That is one of the nice things about it being a K/1 class, she already has some familiarity, not just with the classroom but also with some of her future classmates.

Arran very sweetly promised to share some of his candy with his sisters once he got home and in the meantime Ms. Lewis brought round heart-shaped rice krispy cakes. Then we said our goodbyes and went home for lunch, returning to pick him up a little while later.

My boy's birthday!

I feel like a broken record sometimes, but I just do not know where the time goes. I mean, seriously, how could this wonderful little boy already have been in our livese for seven years? And why does it feel so much shorter? He is growing up so quickly. He is sweet and kind and compassionate, beyond his years.

Birthdays are a little harder now he is in school; the mornings are such a rush. James and I figured (the night before) that we should just let him open presents in the afternoon, when he came home from school. Somehow, unfortunately, we forgot to let Arran know this minor detail! He woke up this morning, excited for his birthday. We explained the plan regarding presents and he was disappointed to say the least.

"I don't feel special, I don't feel like it's my birthday"...how horrible did I feel at that moment?

Plan b was quickly put into place; he would get to open one present (which James hurriedly threw into a Hello Kitty!!! gift bag with some tissue paper) and open the rest in the afternoon. He was over the moon to receive a talking Doug, the dog from 'Up".

He went to school with a plate of chocolate chocolate chip cookies to share with his class, that we (the three kids and I) had made yesterday and an 'Olivia' book he had picked out as a gift for the classroom. All was redeemed.

After school he went on a play date. I had been so torn in the week when the play date invitation came. I knew that he would love it, but the selfish Mommy in me wanted to not feel like I had missed out on his special day, especially as the kids have AWANAs on Thursday nights. In the end we decided to go out for a family dinner instead of the kids going to AWANAs and so I let him have his play date too. Oh the dilemma of it all.

The girls and I baked him a delicious chocolate cake while he was out. It actually went pretty smoothly and was fun, compared to the slight fiasco of four of us baking the previous day, with my not feeling my best and being far too impatient. My poor kids. I did a good job of actually taking photos as they greased the pans and added ingredients and somehow have managed to delete them from my memory card, so sad.

Arran came home from his play date happy and excited. His specific request for dinner was for Chinese buffet, followed by dessert of his cake at home. He went to bed a happy little boy and I could not be happier or more grateful to be his mother!

Opening presents in his special birthday crown his teacher made. Bryttain loves to help.

I just love that although he is getting so big, he is still just a little kid who LOVES his soft toys.

Happy Birthday Arran, we love you!

Strangers

I often mention how hard Friday nights can be, a night James is gone for music practice with the band 'Strangers' he is in. Well last Friday they played at a show in Lake County, a couple of hours from here. Amazingly we were able to find kind souls who actually came at 2pm(!) so that I could drive up with him for their early sound-check and set up, and be there to take photographs.

It was fun to be be able to be a part of something that he truly enjoys and see some of the hard work pay off. It is a very different type of photography too, so it felt good to face a new challenge and of course all the extra time with my hubby was a nice bonus. Now we just need to find some more local venues for them to play at and the kids could come to watch too.